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June 21st, 2018

Need That Last Minute Halloween Costume? Try These Movie Characters

As we sit on the cusp of Halloween, there are many of you that may be going to a Halloween party over the weekend and don’t have a costume picked out just yet. Shame on you. I’ve been preparing my costume for a few weeks now. It was quite simple. All I did is not shave. Here are some other last minute costumes you can bust out to impress your friends and get the ladies.

1. Joaquin Phoenix as Joaquin Phoenix, “I’m Still Here” Sunglasses? Check. Unruly hair? Check. Scraggly beard? Check. Belly? Check (frowns). See? I bet there are plenty of guys out there that could put this look together in minutes. After four or five drinks, you’ll probably act just as confused and incoherent so it won’t be too hard to stay in character to fill out the costume.

2. Will Forte as MacGruber, “MacGruber” Another easy one to put together. I’m sure there are 1.3 million costume stores in your neighborhood right now, go snag a mullet-like blond wig. Then, stop by a Cabela’s or some other redneck fishing store and get a beige utility vest. Finally, call up your old man and get one of his old flannels. Pow. You’re MacGruber. Heck, if fifteen people see you in costume, that’s more sets of eyes on you than the actual “MacGruber” movie.

3. Robert Downey Jr. as Tony Stark, “Iron Man” Sure, it would be cool to put on a metal suit and rock the party at your friend Dan’s 600 square foot condo, but I don’t think that’s in the cards. Instead, why not run out, get the most expensive suit you can afford, trim your crappy Joaquin Phoenix beard and go as the uber-smooth ladies man Tony Stark? On second thought, forget this one. You have no chance to look as cool as Downey. In fact, nobody does.

4. Jesse Eisenberg as Mark Zuckerberg, “The Social Network” Hey you? Yeah, you, reading these words this very second. Just go to the party as is. You’re already Mark Zuckerberg.

5. Kim Cattral as Samantha, “Sex and the City 2” This one is for the ladies. Slap on a boatload of makeup, get your best dress, match it up with some sort of high heels that would best be described as “hookerish”, and then whine and chain smoke. You’re Samantha. Oh, make sure to insult Arabs too as you’ll want to stay in character.

6. Noah Ringer as Aang, “The Last Airbender” I needed to come up with one for your kid, so here you go. Shave his or her head, paint an arrow on there, then have them run around while saying and doing a bunch of stupid crap that nobody cares about. You know…a regular old weekend for you.

One Comment

  1. Night Hawk

    Hey you’re kind of an asshole.

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