Many of us have a natural tendency to overestimate our abilities and accomplishments in various areas of life, from how well we do our jobs to the skills we display “behind the wheel”. Interestingly, scientists note that this almost never happens When we have to self-evaluate our social interactions And communication skills.
The admiration gap. People love us more than we think
A group of scientists from the United States and the United Kingdom showed in a 2018 study that There is a distinct disparity between how we evaluate the effectiveness of our interactions with people and how others perceive us. This disparity is What’s called The admiration gap (In Polish, this phenomenon is sometimes referred to as the “empathy gap”) and can be described as “an underestimation of how willing our interlocutors are to talk and be with us”.
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People often feel like they didn’t do a good job during their first conversation or meeting. This is because they are too hard on themselves or, as is common, They focus excessively on their flaws rather than on positive signs Sent by the second interlocutor – scientists say in their article about the described phenomenon. And as American and British researchers say, our conversational skills are definitely better than we think.
Others don’t notice our flaws as much
To explain the phenomenon The admiration gap, Erica J. Boothby, Gus Cooney, Gillian M. Sandstrom, and Margaret S. Clarke looked at three different situations in which people were getting to know each other: when they met at a research facility as part of their research, when year-olds met roommates for the first time, and when strangers participated in joint workshops. In each of these situations Participants were asked how much they liked the person they were talking to and how much they thought the interlocutor liked them. It turns out that very often people cannot correctly estimate how others perceive them – they think that they have done worse than they really were.
People can be their own worst critics. It is difficult for them to understand this Others don’t really notice their flaws. We read that this difference in viewpoints causes people to falsely believe that they are being judged harshly during social interactions Article published in “Psychology”.
Confident people have no problems with the so-called likeability gap
Evaluating social interactions is a problem for many people, but not all. During the experiment, scientists discovered this The only people who don’t seem to have a problem with itThere are people who consider themselves self-confident.
We read that participants with a low level of shyness did not show an admiration gap, while participants with a high level of shyness showed a significant presence of this phenomenon.
Interestingly, The admiration gap Among students who were roommates of each other, this disease persisted even for several months, and for many it disappeared only at the end of the study. The longer roommates develop their new relationships, the better they estimate how sympathetic the other person is to them. One factor that eliminates the ‘likeability gap’ is simply the right amount of time to get to know each other.
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