I am a fan of films from all genres and typically enjoy a good sequel and remake in the mix of movies I watch every year. That said this year has been a horrible year for trashy remakes, needless sequels and just generally a bunch of mindless crap. Sure I have seen quite a few good films in 2012 but it was alot easier to generate a list of the worst movies of 2012 then it was to make a list of the gems.
Agree with me or disagree I frankly do not give a damn for this is my yearly opportunity to rant about the movies that took away my hard earned money. So without further ado and in no particular order here are my 10 worst movies of 2012.
The Bourne Legacy
When the first Bourne movie first hit theaters it was an action packed joy ride that frankly blew my mind. I don’t know what impressed me more, the high paced action or the fact that Matt Damon was pulling off the role of action hero.
In Bourne Legacy they have replaced Matt Damon with Jeremy Renner and retold the entire story from an origins aspect showing the labs and the science that made Bourne who he was. Unfortunately if you are going to make a Bourne movie you should probably have Jason Bourne in it and try to make it full of action and thrills. The Bourne Legacy is a complete bore of mindless dialogue, tedious action scenes and ridiculous plot holes.
Jeremy Renner delivers a lack luster performance in a movie that seemed more about setting up sequels then giving the movie goer a postive experience. The Bourne Legacy is a complete waste of time and even bringing in Edward Norton to take on the role of government villain does nothing to add any splash to this mindless thriller.
The Expendables was awesome. Why? Because it brought together all the great action heroes of the 90’s and put them toe to toe in an over the top mind numbing festival of explosions, ridiculous one liners, bad hair jobs and lots of wrinkles.
Nothing tops how awesom Expendables was but that is also where the sequel Expendables 2 fails. Its not exactly something you can redo and make original. Expendables 2 is more of the same with a few new faces including Jean Claude van Damme and Chuck Norris. Worth a rent? Perhaps for the nostalgia factor but otherwise its a pretty big stinker. Go watch the original or hell watch Blood Sport, Commando and Rambo back to back!
John Carter of Mars
It blows my mind how much money they spent making this epic fantasy film that ended up being the biggest stinker of the year.
John Carter of Mars proves once again that expensive budgets, mind boggling special effects and lots of marketing will not make a movie hit. Great writing, a strong cast and a cool concept does which were all lacking in this movie from Disney.
When I first heard that they were going to make an action movie based off a board game where I put down pegs and call out postions in hopes of shipping my enemies battleship I scratched my head. Whats next a movie based off Scrabble? Or Pong? Oh wait they are doing the last one.
Battleship is a story of aliens, inter galactic warfare and Brooklyn Decker in as little clothes as possible. Oh and it stars Rihanna which is one of many reasons I wanted my money back. I watched this movie to find out if it was as bad as everyone said it was so I suppose I have nobody to blame but myself and the internet bloggers.
This movie is a case of somebody sitting down and asking how do we make a block buster? Lets get a super hot chick, ( Brooklyn Decker ) lets get a popular name amongst the teens these days ( Rihanna) and lets throw in giant friggin spaceships and space aliens…. oh and lets blow sh*t up Michael Bay style. This movie is horrendous! Bad editing, bad dialogue, ridiculous characters its nothing more then a great example for film students on how to REALLY screw the pooch.
I had the same face as Brooklyn did during the movie.
Ghost Rider Spirit of Vengeance
Oh Nicolas Cage to think you used to be my favorite 90’s tough guy. Somehow he went from Face Off and Lords of War … to Ghost Rider.
Nicolas Cage with the right direction is unstoppable as was proven in Kick Ass. Unfortunately when the whole premise of your movie is a comic book, tons of CGI and the guys who directed CRANK you are in a loosing battle.
I can share two good thing about Ghost Rider 2; its not Ghost Rider 1, and it ends.
Act of Valor
Act of Valor is a truly unique concept which features real active duty Navy Seals in an action drama where they ‘act out’ what they do everyday in real life.
I have massive respect for service men and women because my Uncle was a Sgt in the Military so all I will say out of respect is I felt this movie was ridiculous to see real heroes, pretend to be heroes on film. I can only imagine the crap they must get now in the field from their colleagues.
Wrath of the Titans
When I went into Wrath of the Titans my first thought was honestly it can not be as bad as Rise of the Titans. That was true but that still isn’t saying much.
This is another example much like John Carter of Mars that tons of CGI, and massive budgets do not translate into a great film. How they managed to make a mess with the money backing it and talents like Liam Neeson and Sam Worthington is beyond me. Put this film series to bed finally. I cant take much more!
When I was a teenager I watched American Pie and thought it was the funniest film ever made. I have since watched every theatrical sequel but did not fall for the con of the direct to dvd sequels. My reaction to Project X was now I know what my parents were thinking when I watched American Reunion.
Project X is over the top nonsense and is the wet dream of teen boys everywhere. As somebody who used to party like its the end of the world let me assure all you up and coming nerds that Maxim models do not go to highschool parties, your parents wont be ok if you blow up their car and if the SWAT team gets called you will get maced and hand cuffed to a fence for the night. I speak from experience.
Project X did have some high points but for the most part it was a wash of stupidity.
American Reunion is what happens when the stars of your favorite teen movie need money and decide to reunite to make another unneeded sequel.
I wanted to love this movie but the best I can say is this is not as bad as Project X and had better action sequences then Battleship.
Snow White & The Hunstman
The biggest problem that this movie has is that it doesnt know who its audience is. Is it Twilight fans? Is it teen boys? Is it adults? I have no idea because it did not cater to any of those.
Last I checked Snow White is more for the female audience and when I sat down with my lady friend to watch this movie she hated it because she doesnt like Lord of the Rings. For some reason this Snow White thought she should go looking for a ring and Gollum and quest to save the world. This is not the fairy tale that I remember as a kid and I have no idea who the target demographic was.
This movie was clearly setup for a new fantasy trilogy and focused to much on the next films and not enough on making a great movie. The one high note was Charlize Theron who looked hot and delivered a command performance as always.
The Three Stooges
I am going to sum this one up quickly. Kate Upton and Snooki from Jersey Shore were the keys to the marketing. Really ? This is what film has come to? I got nothing more to say on the Three Stooges.