Transporter 2, Will it Deliver? Pre-Emptive Review

This is an early review. How early, you may ask? Let me put it this way: Even I haven't seen it yet. It's a pre-emptive review, and I'm basing this review solely on the trailer I've seen. But it's a relly kick ass trailer. I've said it before, and I'l say it again: the two minute trailer was light years more exciting and fun and action packed than the entirety of Stealth.

Anyway, the movie seems to find the Transporter Frank Martin (Jason Statham) in full Mon On Fire mode, relegated to taking care of a small child. Since he's taking care of this child, it's safe to assume a few things. One, since he's watching a kid all day, he's really itching to kick someone's ass, but can't. And Two, the kid's life is going to be in danger, and it's up to the Transporter to transport several cans of whoop ass in the direction of those that harm the kid.

Things look interesting when the Transporter takes the kid to a doctor's appointment, and the ridiculously hot nurse opens her jacket and reveals that she is scantily clad. And heavily armed. Fighting ensues. Then more fighting, and other really cool things seem to happen. There's a fight where he uses a fire hose to lay down some pain. There's more shots of the hot girl in little clothing. There's another hot girl that Transporter flips OVER A JET SKI, to make a fast getaway. Oh, and he's in his suit on the Jet Ski. Solid!

There's more cool stuff, as the Transporter jumps over two cars just as they're smashing into each other. Let me repeat that: HE JUMPS OVER TWO CARS AS THEY ARE SMASHING INTO EACH OTHER! That's some Ong Bak type shyte right there! Then the film most likely concludes on a plane, where the Transporter is kicking more people, and those oxygen masks come down. He most likely uses one of those to strangle somebody. Holy crap, how can this movie fail?

The original Transporter was a pleasant surprise. I thought it would be mildly entertaining, and it wound up kicking my ass hard. I still have the bruises. And with a sequel, you don;t even have to bother with all that pesky character development, you can go straight to the Transporter doing what he does best. Kicking your ass.

I happen to believe that Luc Besson should keep writing and producing movies. They're fun as hell, and still just as interesting as if he directed them. Between the two Transporter films and Unleashed, Besson is doing well. (Rumor has it he had a hand in the re-editing of Ong Bak for our version of it, and God bless him for that).

Here's a slice of fried gold: Transporter 3. Tony Jaa plays a rival Transporter, trying to obtain Statham's cargo on a long cross country journey. It would be like Assassins, only a lot cooler. Because there'd be awesome car chases, and some of the most ridiculous fighting you would ever lay your eyes upon. That would rock hard core.

Until then, I have a feeling Transporter 2 will fill that urge I need to see bad guys getting their comeuppance, as dispensed by the justice of Statham.

You know, its too bad Statham did this. Bear with me, if he wasn't the Transporter, he could probably be in the running for the next James Bond. Smooth with the ladies, looks good in a suit, and gets the job done. And ironically enough, the Bond movies of late have been devolving into elaborate versions of The Transporter. At least The Transporter knows what it is. Regardless, I'm glad Statham IS The Transporter. He kicks ass well.

Anyway, Transporter 2 looks fantastic. Again, it knows what it is. It's not going to solve the world's problems (and Lord knows, there are many of them right now). It's there to provide 90 minutes of escape. And it'll be damned if it's not gonna use all 90 of those minutes to thrill you. And kick your ass.