Review of Kill Bill Volume 1

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Is it possible to award a film ten stars?

     You see, five stars would merely indicate that the emotional immediacy, the elaborate fight scenes, the ridiculously thrilling gore, the uncomfortably electric violence, the daredevil editing and the asskicking soundtrack were on par with every film ever made. They are, in fact, not. After "Kill Bill", it would seem that every other film ever created is indeed Earthbound. Other films represent Movie Life. "Kill Bill Vol. 1", however, is simply MOVIE HEAVEN.

     Uma Thurman is actually quite brilliant in this, Marcus, and I am surprised that you haven't updated the celebrity gallery section with some shots of her. Don't be put off by her grotesque feet, on full display here. They look a bit gawky, but I know this other girl who kicks a whole lot of ass, and her feet look the same, so you have to reason that Uma, ergo, is a number one asskicker. In "Kill Bill", as the Bride, she indeed is a number one asskicker, save for a four year coma she endures after she attempts to retire from a career as part of the DiVAS (Deadly Viper Assassination Squad). Once she awakens, she sets out to kill her former employer, Bill, who also was responsible for killing her unborn child.

     You see, Marcus, "Kill Bill Vol. 1" is not an awesome movie. To use such terms is childish, juvenile, and it doesn't begin to fully encapsulate what kind of movie it is. In fact, "Kill Bill" is about eight million awesome movies playing at the same time. The Bride struggles with her betrayal, Vivica A. Fox's Vernita wrestles with her departure from loyalty, O-Ren Ishii (Lucy Liu) is driven by revenge and power, and all are out to kill or be killed. The gore is some of the meatiest since, well, the last Takashi Miike film, but we understand what it means. Quentin Tarantino isn't throwing bodies at the screen, because we see the aftereffects: there are many scenes where victims are shown scrambling, gasping for life, and we understand pain. Others suffer death by mutilation and often decapitation, signifying there's no easy release in a world where honor has taken a backseat to ruthlessness.

     And yes, Quentin Tarantino... the director of the most influential film of the last twenty years and now, the greatest ever. I fear for something, and I'll let this be up to you when the time comes but... when "Kill Bill Vol. 2" comes around, we may have to shut down the site permanently. Why? Because there will be no point discussing any other films in existence. Quentin Tarantino will have risen from being a mere filmmaker to a deity, a god of cinema, and surely every other helmer, from David Cronenberg to Steven Spielberg to Spike Lee will never, ever pick up a pen or a camera again. So not only will it become pointless to discuss past films, but there will no longer be any films released again. Surely, what's the point existing in an industry so confidently dominated by one man who has produced a piece of art so significant that nothing can ever come after it? I think you';d be hard pressed to admit that you're ready to give in yourself; after all, the site is a play on the title of "Natural Born Killers," a film written by Mr. Tarantino himself.

     So, in closing, I recommend that you see "Kill Bill Vol. 1" before agreeing with me, which you eventually will. Surely, if you, or anyone else loves movies, you'll love "Kill Bill Vol. 1". Please consider that it may end up that you'll be out of a website, and that's a troubling thought. But then again, how can anyone watch anything not named either "Kill Bill Vol. 1" or "Kill Bill Vol. 2" any more?