Six Reasons to go see Machete

I am honestly not sure why you need six reasons to go see Machete if you are a red blooded male since Machete is THE must see movie of the year but just in case you needed to be sold on the awesome juice that is Machete I have compiled 6 Reasons ( all be it very shallow and very male ) reasons for you to go and see Machete.

#6: Jessica Alba Naked in the shower: Jessica Alba stars in Machete as ICE agent Sartana and once again she delivers the kind of performance you can expect from her. ( I will let you read between those lines). The climax of her role is quite literally a half naked shower scene where she proves that despite being a new mom she still has the ability to heat up any b-movie to the boiling point.

#5: Don Johnson as Border Vigilante Lt. Stillman: What kid didn’t dress up in slacks a sports blazer and white running shoes for Halloween and pretend they were Don Johnson? Ok well maybe alot of folks didn’t but I sure as heck did. Don Johnson is back and delivers one of his finer performances as the leader of a vigilante border group that are fixated on crushing the Mexican menace that is crossing the border.

#4: A Body count to Rival Them All: Machete is no gone with the wind and even for a Robert Rodriguez film it is violence to the extreme. Machete has a body count that puts Planet Terror to shame and features de-limbing, decapitation, beat down by weed eater, machete ginsu action and more dead gringos then you can beat a stick with. Or in this case I guess a machete.

#3: Lindsay Lohan Playing Herself: Lindsay Lohan plays the part of April and the filmmakers did a great job at keeping under wraps exactly what her role would be. Allow me to summarize the key components of her role. She is a coked out drug addict who has a penchant for 3 way sex with her mom and a father who is both dysfunctional and diabolical. The ménage a trios scene between Machete, Lindsay Lohan and her ‘mom’ in the film was just hilarious. Those hoping to get a peak at Lindsay Lohan naked you will get to... kinda. Watch to find out.

#2: Steven Segal playing Steven Segal as a Mexican Druglord: The villain of the film is Steven Segal and this would be playing against type but fear not he is still playing Steven Segal. His cliché monotone slow speak is present, his whack martial arts moves are present and the only thing different is he is about 50lbs heavier and plays the most laughable bad guy ever. In any other movie it would be stupid but in Machete its awesome!

#1: Danny Trejo, The Wrong Mexican To F**K With! Danny Trejo has been playing the genre tough guy his entire career and the fact that for his first leading role its entirely about Danny kicking ass is so fitting. Danny Trejo delivers a strong performance with little dialogue in a film that focuses on a bad ass Mexican kicking ass and taking names. Something Danny Trejo can do and delivers well!

Go read DrHideou's Review of Machete. The film may not be for everyone but by reading his review you will get an honest view of whether Machete is for you!