5 Zombieland Rules That Would Make This Movie Even Better

Zombieland is one of those movies that feels plucked directly out of my brain, and then made into an even better movie. It's covered in fantastic sauce, baked at motherfucking hi-larious degrees, and served up hot in between Megan Fox's rack. That's how utterly amazing it is. (That's also my entire review of it right there). Everything about this movie is terrific and hits it right out of the ballpark. It's completely satisfying in every way.

But I can't help to wonder, how could they make it even more awesome? How can it reach a state beyond boss, to mix boss and awesome into "Bossome"?

It was very difficult, but I managed to find 5 things that could vastly improve Zombieland, and suggestions to be incorporated into Zombieland 2: Electric Boogaloo, which is inevitable now that the opening weekend numbers have proven that audiences want more zombie movies. Hollywood, I accept checks, cash, and hot meals. (In the non-Urban dictionary definition of the phrase).

An Entire Soundtrack Composed By Van Halen:  Obviously, personal bias is to have Rush score every film, but the 30 second snippet of "Everybody Wants Some" used was so awesome, you can't help but think the entire movie could benefit from having wall-to-wall VH underscore everything. Hot For Teacher, Panama, Jump, you name it, it all works. (Right Now does not work, however, but then again I did say Van Halen, not Van Hagar). Pan-a-ma-huh-ho-huh-ha-ho, PA-NA-MA!

For the sequel: Just get the band to score the entire movie. New material and old. Or just Eddie noodling on the guitar. Every scene will rock hard. That's a no-brainer. (Horrible zombie-related pun sort-of intended)

Killing those damn Twilight vampires I really enjoyed the celebrity cameo scene in the film. (Won't spoil in case you haven't seen it yet). But I can't help but think since they're in Hollywood, that they could take this prime opportunity and knock off the zombie versions of everyone's favorite brooding teen bloodsuckers. Same goes for zombie versions of that Spencer Pratt guy, and almost every other reality star. (Jon & Kate plus 8, BLAM! Jon plus 8, BLAM! 8...etc) It would give the film that great Romero satirical edge that's not needed in Zombieland, but would be appreciated.*

For the Sequel: Go meta and have a zombie Romero, and zombie Simon Pegg for that matter, run afoul of Woody Harrelson's hedge trimmers.

Nerd Survival Groups From the nerd perspective, the most appealing aspect of Zombieland is that it plays out what many of us always want: to be the big shots in the zombie apocalyptic wasteland. (Seriously, ask yourself how many of your friends are not only prepared, but have the strategy mapped out in physical form). Columbus' rules provided a lot of that plan, and allowed us to relate even greater. So why wouldn't other nerds, well-versed and prepared for this event, be surviving?

For the Sequel: A group of LARP people surviving in the Pacific Northwest with modified weapons, but still speaking like it's medieval times. Or at the very least, a renaissance fair. (Oooh, zombie ren-fair folk! Perfect!)

MOTHERF@#KIN' DREADNOUGHT!!!! Yes, Paul Anderson's Death Race continues to be the gift that keeps on giving. Yes, Zombieland is an infinitely superior motion picture, but the one thing it's missing is the greatest thing Death Race has: The Dreadnought! Yes, the hulking bit of mechanized mayhem comes equipped to boot you in the junk with a steel-toed knife. Every movie could benefit from it's introduction, no matter how awesome the movie already is. It would be natural cherry on top of the kick-ass sundae that is Zombieland. Besides, if Dead Reckoning can exist, the Zombieland version spend at leat a half hour just showing the wanton destruction it could convey.

For The Sequel: Put the fuckin' dreadnought in. It's pretty obvious.

Matthew McConaughey as one of the following: Either Woody Harrelson's brother, a rival ass-kicking zombie killer, or zombie version of himself. (A quick trip to IMDB reveals that indeed, he WAS offered a cameo role as himself! Morphic Resonance, people!) McConaughey is brilliant when he acts with Harrelson, as evidenced by Surfer, Dude and EdTV. On top of which, if anyone's seen Reign of Fire, arguably McConaughey's finest screen work, you know he looks badass with a shaved head and a beard and has one single goal: kicking ass. Either way, you win!

For The Sequel: McConaughey plays the rival ass-kicking zombie killer, who runs a sort of zombie killing olympic games that survivors across the world compete in. And Harrelson must compete for the title as the greatest zombie killer out there. (Top prize: Glory and Twinkees!)