Zack and Miri Make a Porno Review by The Dude

You know what's truly wonderful? When they tell you what the movie's about right there in the title. Like Aliens Vs. Predator, you know what the movie's going to be about. (Even if they bog it down with 40 minutes of sub-Gossip girl teen nonsense). Or like this latest offering from Kevin Smith: Zack...

Whiteout Review by The Dude

Whiteout is a remarkable motion picture. Never before have I witnessed a film where every scene contains 80 percent expository dialogue, and yet I can't tell you a damn thing that happens in this movie. That's Whiteout in a nutshell. Here's what I can tell you about Whiteout: It stars Kate Backinsal...

Whip It Review by The Dude

It's rare these days to find a nice movie. One that's kind to, and even loves its characters, while remaining true to itself. Too often movies that could be nice are too cloying or too condescending or too damn conventional to truly stir any sort of reaction out of me other than disgust. And if I ha...

Where the Wild Things Are Review by The Dude

Where The Wild Things Are is a wonderful movie, lovingly crafted, with an amazing blend of technical feats and human performances, that I wish I loved more. As it stands, I really like it and admire it just as a friend. But I really want to love it more, and I'm hoping that a few days time away from...

Wedding Crashers Review by the dude

Nine years ago, the moviegoing public bore witness to the emergence of two great new comic presences: Owen Wilson in Bottle Rocket, and Vince Vaughn in Swingers. Through the years, we've seen them paired off with a bunch of their friends and relatives for other movies, usually with Ben Stiller invol...

Watchmen: Director's Cut Review by The Dude

Proving you can never have too much of a good thing, (provided you consider this a good thing, as I do) they've gone ahead and released the Watchmen: Director's Cut. Alas, this won't be the "complete version", that would incorporate all the "Tales of the Black Freighter" comic within the narrative a...

War of the Worlds 2005 Review by the dude

Fantastic! Awe-inspiring! Can't wait to see it again! Ok, now that I've seen the King Kong trailer, I can tell you about my experience this evening. It seems a certain famous Hollywood actor decided I was cool enough to invite to his very own private screening of War of the Worlds, his latest movie....

Walk the Line Review by The Dude

Walk the Line In a word....cats. Seriously, though, this is one outstanding movie. I knew I'd like it, being a Johnny Cash fan, but I didn't expect to like it as much as I did. This is entirely due to Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon. And I usually HATE Reese Witherspoon, but she got me to fall...

Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story Review by The Dude

At long last, Hollywood has finally realized their mistake, and have given praise, and an entire movie, to the life of Dewey Cox. Walk Hard in an unflinching look at the life and times of one of the great musicians of our, possibly of ALL, time. Who cares that Dewey Cox isn't real? John C. Reily bre...

Waiting Review by the dude

I'm not gonna lie to you, faithful readers, when Lions Gate invited me to the screening of Waiting... they enticed me with free beer and pizza. As you all know, I'm a sucker for free things, and if it's free booze good luck getting me to leave after it's all done. I don't know if it was the copio...

Up In The Air Review by The Dude

There's so much good about Up In The Air that I just don't know where to begin. Jason Reitman's follow up to Juno is both timeless and timely. It greets this wonderful economic downturn we've encountered head on, while presenting a classic tale of a man thinking he knows his place in the world, when...

Unknown White Male Review by The Dude

Amnesia is a concept used in hundreds of fiction films (none better than Memento, accept it) , but rarely is it examined as a real life condition. The thought of it is frightening as hell. You wake up, and have no idea who you are, where you are, where you're going, what you're doing. All you're awa...

Underworld: Evolution Review by The Dude

The Underworld franchise has got to be the biggest wasted opportunity in recent film history. You have a killer premise (Vampires vs. Werewolves!!), a hot chick in leather with automatic weapons (Yeah Kate Beckinsale), and a moody vision. But the first film I felt was a disappointment of a massive s...

Ultraviolet Review by the dude

Do you remember the Fred Willard character in "A Mighty WInd" who used to be a sitcom actor with the catchphrase "Wha' Happened?!?" That phrase was constantly running through my head while I watched Ultraviolet. Yes, Equilibrium kicked an obscene amount of ass, and writer/director Kurt Wimmer's foll...

Two For the Money Review by the dude

In order to understand my enjoyment of Two For The Money, I have to tell you a long, stupid personal story. Back in college, I lived in an apartment with several of my friends, one of whom is named Jay. jay received a phone call one afternoon from a guy trying to sell him a credit card. The man had ...

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen Review by The Dude

Holy shit, is the transforming robots movie terrible! Yeah, that seriously sums up the last two and a half hours of my life. To paraphrase the movie Billy Madison, I, and everybody in the auditorium, are dumber having seen it. I'm having a real difficult time comprehending things right now. I actual...

Transformers Review by The Dude

Transformers. More than meets the eye. Autobots wage their battle to destroy the evil forces of the Decepticons. I can't properly review Transformers. Honestly, it's something that you're either going to love or hate. You probably even know before you go into the movie, because you really get out of...

Tom Yum Goong Review by The Dude

Awhile back, I wrote a screenplay, for what I then considered to be the most brilliant movie of all time. It's called Burger Academy 2 The Vengeance. Every page is comic gold. Seriously, if I printed the script out on leaves of gold paper, I could buy the world over. It's that brilliant. But now, I ...

Thirst Review by The Dude

The vampire movie has seen a lot of different incarnations, ranging from Legosi's terrifying at the time Dracula, to the glittery Hot Topic models of the recent Twilight series, and a whole slew that fit in between. The vampire has become metaphor for love, sexuality, sexual confusion, plain old hor...

The Wild (2006) Review by The Dude

Remember the olden days, when 3-D CGI was a fun and exciting new medium, and you could forgive little flaws in the storytelling because the animation was so jaw droppingly new that you forgave it? I think those days have passed us with the release of The Wild. The Wild definitely proves that all...

The Transporter 2 Review by the dude

hat can I say about Transporter 2? I already predicted that it would rule beyond anything. Was I all hype? Yes, and no. I believe I may have hyped it up to be the most amazing film of our times. It's clearly not. But it is a hell of a fun time. It tells the story of Frank Martin(Jason Statham), a Tr...

The Thing About My Folks Review by The Dude

So the movie begins, and there's some incredibly sappy music playing. I mean, it sounds like that moment in the sitcom where things "get a little real" for a second. right off the bat, I'm saying to myself "God no, I'm gonna be sitting through a 90 minute sitcom. Great." This is immediately followed...

The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 (2009) Review by The Dude

There's absolutely no reason why The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 should exist. There already exists a fantastic movie of the same name from 1974, with Walter Matthau and Robert Shaw. (Check it out, Tarantino took the naming conventions for Reservoir Dogs from this movie). There's a lot of lamentation abo...

The Skeleton Key Review by The Dude

Man, I hate it when I'm right. Wait, no that's not correct. I love it when I'm right. Yeah, that's it. I love that feeling of superiority and dominance. Call it arrogance if you will, but there's nothing greater than knowing that I, indeed, possess grand knowledge that I can lord over others. What t...

The Simpsons (2007) Review by The Dude

It's awfully tempting to use Jeff "Comic Book Guy" Albertson's slightly amended catch-phrase to describe The Simpsons Movie: Best. Movie. Ever. Certainly that's an apt description. (Especially if you've never seen "Krull" or "Real Men"). And it's fitting with the Simpson-verse to use it, especially ...

The Proposition (2005) Review by The Dude

Last year, I used the phrase "It's got balls" to describe The Devil's Rejects. The Proposition exceeds that claim so much that it should begin with a shot of a scrotal sack, just so you know what you're up against. Instead, the movie opens with a nice, quiet credit sequence that shows some pictures ...

The Producers (2005) Review by The Dude

Whoa boy. This is gonna be interesting. Alright, I should preface this by telling you that I did see the original Mel Brooks film (which is genius) as well as the broadway show starring the two leads of the film version, Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick. I loved the show. I thought it was a good ti...

The Mangler Reborn Review by The Dude

Every once in a while, I'll see a horror movie that will raise my expectations of what the genre can produce. It can be little things or giant leaps. Lately, with the influx of PG-13 horror movies that try for theme park scares over what truly is frightening, horror has seemed to lost it's edge. So ...

The Machinist Review by the dude

I have to admit, I really like Brad Anderson's movies. He doesn't get as much credit as the other Andersons, Wes, and P.T., or even Paul W.S. of Alien Vs. Predator fame, but the man makes solid flicks. He's made a great little romance with Next Stop Wonderland and he made quite possibly the creepies...

The Kingdom Review by The Dude

I remember this movie kicking a fair amount of ass, even though it plays like CSI: Afghanistan. The last twenty to thirty minutes are pretty intense. Almost on par with a sequence out of Bourne. (Almost, but up there.) The only thing is, I'm getting tired of the shaky cam. The you-are-there intensit...

The Jane Austen Book Club Review by The Dude

Yeah, that's right. I willingly allowed myself to view a movie called the Jane Austen Book Club. And you know something? It's not half bad. Not at all. It's the cinematic equivalent to macaroni and cheese and a sweater on a cool fall's eve. It's comforting. The Jane Austen Book Club follows the live...

The Jacket Review by The Dude

So, I saw the ads for The Jacket and thought to myself "Holy Shit! Finally another movie like Jacob's Ladder!" I couldn't wait for it to come out at the theaters, and then it was gone from the theaters. Like in a week and a half. So video comes around, and I get to see, psyched to all hell to fina...

The Island Review by the dude

It's summer. It's hot. I just got back from Texas, and let me tell you something, Texas in July is just plain wrong. I think my genitals liquified from the heat, and are hanging around the Alamo someplace. (Oh, and fun fact, the tour guides at the Alamo HATE YOU when you ask where the basement is.) ...

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus Review by The Dude

It would be easy to say that Terry Gilliam is a filmmaker who can't catch a break. And to a degree, that's correct. Going as far back as Brazil, it's rare to find a Gilliam movie that didn't encounter some aspect of trouble along the way from inception to projection. This is well documented in Lost ...

The Illusionist Review by The Dude

I won't be the first critic to note that Neil Burger's The Illusionist is the first of two magician themed mysteries this year, with Christopher Nolan's The Prestige, following in two months time. I will, however, be the first critic who says that and immediately follows it with the word "Balls". Ba...

The Ice Harvest Review by The dude

Dark comedy is a tough line to tread. Make it too funny and outlandish, nobody will buy into it. Make it too dark for the sake of being dark and edgy, you wind up with a film that will depress or disgust. And not in a good way. It's a tough genre, but when it works it's fantastic. And I'm happy ...

The Hurt Locker Review by The Dude

Are you looking for a summer movie with some brains behind the brawn? A movie that's intense from beginning to end, never once releasing its' grip on you? Then you need to go see The Hurt Locker. The Hurt Locker tells the story of bomb disposal techs in Baghdad, who spend their days constantly defus...

The Hills Have Eyes (2006) Review by The Dude

I'll say one thing for the new remake of The Hills Have Eyes: You certainly get what you're expecting, and then some. It's full of lots of disgusting, gory moments, with plenty of startling jumps that make you pop out of your seat and/or grab the person next to you. I just wished I liked the film mo...

The Fountain (2006) Review by The Dude

The Fountain is quite difficult to write about. It seems to be about an eternal quest for the fountain of youth, told in three different era (Conquistador era 1500s, modern day, and 500 years in the future). But it's about a whole lot more. So much more, in fact, that I fear I might not have gotten ...

The Foot Fist Way Review by The Dude

Fred Simmons is one hell of a Tae Kwon Do instructor. Actually, he's not. He's pretty terrible. And unbelievably deluded about his position in the world. And kind of a jerk. And as played by Danny McBride, one of the damn funniest comic characters on screen in a long time. Almost rivaling Ron Burgun...


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