Loser takes all. Loser loses all…in Surviving Eden, a sardonic send-up of reality television and the culture that devours it.  In the tradition of Waiting for Guffman and Take the Money and Run, a documentary film crew captures the pitfalls and pratfalls of fame as reality show winner Dennis Flotchky (Michael Panes) is thrust into the whirl-wind world of instant celebrity.

Overweight and charismatically challenged, Dennis seems doomed to a terminally boring life in which he works at a convenience store and the closest thing to a girlfriend he has is his pot-bellied pig Cleo. All that changes when his only friend and roommate, Sterno (Peter Dinklage), enters him into the casting competition for reality show Surviving Eden as a joke, claiming Dennis is "320 pounds of genius". To both of their surprise, Dennis is picked.

Dennis’ road to fortune and fame and back again begins with a contestant orientation led by the husband and wife production team of coke-snorting, disgruntled Maude Silver (Jane Lynch) and pompous megalomaniac Gary Gold (Sam Robards). Next stop is a visit with network psychiatrist (John Landis) who drills Dennis about sadistic tendencies and asks what he ultimately hopes to achieve via his stint on reality television. Dennis sheepishly replies, "I’d like to meet a nice girl".

In spite of his utter lack of ability and personality, Dennis survives the gauntlet on his stores of fat and succeeds in making it into the final round of competitors; pitted against Marie Villanova (Cheri Oteri), a brassy canine euthanasia technician and Sister Agnes O’Malley (Savannah Haske), ingénue, nun and closet metalhead. Ultimately, the two women are given the forbidden apple of knowledge and cast out of the Garden of Eden, leaving Dennis Flotchky the new Adam, winner of one million dollars and flavor of the month.

Dennis is immediately thrown into a Tinsel Town tornado of press conferences, meetings and handlers. Confused and overwhelmed, Dennis is happy to run into Sister Agnes at a party. Clearly smitten, he asks her out. Although she is already married to Christ, Sister Agnes agrees to go on a date with Dennis and all goes well until he tries to kiss her. Bewildered and dejected, Dennis returns to his hotel room alone. There he falls into the clutches of Maria who, claiming to be pregnant with his child, has designs to use Dennis’ gullibility and bankroll to her advantage. In no time she is doubling as his manager and fiancée.

Under Maria’s influence the side effects of Dennis’ fame include shallow affectations and alienation and neglect of those who care for him. Through the funhouse mirror of false celebrity the insanity of the situation escalates. After a fight with Maria, Dennis starts on a downward spiral of debauchery. Having an identity crisis of her own, Sister Agnes turns up at his hotel room looking for an understanding ear and instead finds an intoxicated ass.

In the wake of his bender Dennis discovers Maria has fabricated her pregnancy and kicks her to the curb. He also learns that he is out of money. Penniless and alone, Dennis checks into a seedy flophouse where he suffers a mental breakdown and attempts suicide in front of the documentary crew cameras.

Down but not dead, Dennis finds his old pal Sterno. The two get drunk together and Sterno tells Dennis of Sister Agnes’ plans to catch a train back to the convent that morning. In a last-ditch attempt to do the right thing Dennis sprints to the train station to declare his love but the train has already left the station. A devastated man, Dennis sits in the park looking for solace only to find Sister Agnes praying at a statue.

Dennis moves back home and gets his old job at the convenience store back, only this time an Iron Maiden-listening divorcee of Christ is his boss and he has learned an invaluable lesson: "I guess it’s like I said before, I sell a lot of stuff in here…most of it’s junk. But what I’ve learned is that you don’t have to eat it."