If I remember right, I ended my review of the last RESIDENT EVIL movie vowing to never watch another one of these things- that or I was just telling myself that internally. Now that I have broken that vow I can now say that I’m not even sure that my brain can mentally handle another entry in this series. I don’t say that because I don’t get it, I say it because the feeling I get after watching each new film makes me question the choices I’ve made that lead me to paying for the ticket or renting the movie. When the credits started on RESIDENT EVIL: RETRIBUTION I have never felt so depressed about the time I will never get back.
Milla Jovovich returns once again as Alice to fight the Umbrella Corporation along with plenty of other plot devices that make no sense. Here she and everyone else is working against the Red Queen AI from the first film to escape an underground facility that is full of huge training facilities that are programmed for outbreak scenarios in a slew of different cities. This film is more like the video games only because each scene is exactly like a different level to a different video game with zombies in it. Little else outside of the names and look of the zombies with the jaw that splits into multiple tentacles even remotely resembles the Resident Evil games.
The acting on the other hand, is right on par with the voice acting because nothing makes me care about the characters nor is any of it convincing in the slightest. Everyone acts as though they were instructed to read off a sheet of paper for first time and try and sound as much like a robot as possible. Sienna Guillory for as great as she is as eye candy is absolutely dreadful in her role and Jovovich seems to get worse with each film. However, neither of them even compare to the horrid and embarrassing turn that Michelle Rodriguez has put in here- the final fight scene is probably the worst thing my eyes have seen in a wide theatrical release throughout 2012.
I couldn’t enjoy any of the action, any of the violence or any of the special effects which are actually kind of okay ay times. Any moment the film tricked me into not hating it was immediately wiped away by any one of the actors opening their mouth or mugging for the camera. Even the action becomes boring and repetitive where the visual effects- as cartoonish as they look at times- might be the only possible silver lining in this steaming pile of crap.
Just when I thought the RESIDENT EVIL franchise couldn’t possibly get any worse Paul W.S. Anderson scoffs in my face and says “Oh wait till you see this!” RESIDENT EVIL: RETRIBUTION is a complete and udder waste of time for anyone unfortunate enough to watch it and an even bigger waste of money and creative resources for anyone involved in the making. The series has rendered itself into nothing more than a cinematic bully that doesn’t even bother hanging you upside down to take your money and instead essentially just points in a direction to distract the audience taking the money right out of our hands and running the other way. The sad part is that we have allowed it to do exactly that over and over and will likely fall for it again.
Written By: Luke (@CrummyLuke on Twitter)