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October 31st, 2014

Sucker Punch Movie Review

Sucker Punch Movie ReviewThere has not been a single movie released so far this year that looks as fantastic as this movie does and be utterly pointless and flawed in almost every aspect. I find it depressing that this is the same director that brought us the DAWN OF THE DEAD remake and the big screen adaptation of WATCHMEN. Honestly, SUCKER PUNCH is an orgy for the eyes but torture on all the other senses. I’m still trying to wrap my brain on how a movie featuring chicks with swords, ninja statues, Nazi zombies, dragons and robots could be so dreadful instead of five different levels of awesome.

Here’s the plot, at least as far as I can tell; a young girl, Baby Doll (Emily Browning), is forced into a mental institution after attacking her step father and accused of murdering her little sister. While in the institution she enters into a fantasy world that pins her and her fellow crazies as prostitutes/dancers in a brothel and concocts a plan to escape using her seductive dancing as a means to distract the guards. Once the dancing starts she envisions herself in a variety of fantasy worlds to obtain all the different objects she’ll need to escape the facility.

I honestly believe SUCKER PUNCH was just an excuse for Zack Snyder to spend a lot of time on a set with scantily clad and half naked girls. The very first action scene is shameless exploitation of how many different ways you can show Emily Browning spinning and spreading her legs open in slow motion. Snyder has made a name for himself with the liberal use of slow motion and it’s never been more evident here and this is the worst it’s ever been used. The entire opening sequence is nothing but a music video for the song “Sweet Dreams” as directed by Zack Snyder; there’s no dialogue, just set up for the relationship between Baby Doll and her step father and how she ended up in a mental institution. There are several scenes that feel like nothing but extended music videos and set ups for a really bad porno.

The fantasy world Baby Doll chooses to live her escape in is a brothel, where the girls dance in order to turn on some horny dudes then take them back into a room where they finish them off. I half expected each subsequent fantasy to go a step farther and the girls are asking their cable guy to take his pants off. The fantasy worlds for the most part look pretty awesome; they all have some shaky CGI going on, but the visuals all have a very cool aesthetic.

The soundtrack is actually pretty decent; too bad the script requires that bland and lifeless characters that inhabit SUCKER PUNCH to speak over the top of it. The dialogue throughout is pretty awful and laughably bad at times. Every single time the Wise Man, played by Scott Glen, opened his mouth and said the words “oh and one more thing” the sentence immediately after induced an uncontrollable facepalm. The script has some of the worst and cheesiest cliché lines in the history of the English language; it literally uses the line of “don’t write a check that your ass can’t cash,” it’s like Snyder used Google search to come up with every cliché in the script.

Zack Snyder has always garnered points for style with films like 300 and WATCHMEN, but I can’t possibly make that concession here. Despite how good the action and special effects look, the film is completely devoid of anything involving real emotion or profound characterization. The action scenes have no stakes because you know everything takes place in a fantasy world while she’s doing a stripper dance for her employers. You never even see this dancing that hypnotizes everyone; Baby Doll just moves back and forth a couple times, closes her eyes and we are back in fantasy land.

For all the implied sex, half naked girls and violence on display you’d think this was an explicit hard R raunch-fest. Sucker Punch is decidedly PG-13 for reasons I’ll never understand; it’s so disappointing to see Synder going from awesome zombie carnage in DAWN OF THE DEAD to girls slaying Nazi zombies. That last statement is disappointing for the fact that these zombies don’t spill blood and that’s because Snyder has scripted in that the Nazi’s developed a way for their dead to function as soldiers by powering them with nothing other than steam, so when these poor saps die they don’t squirt blood, they spill out pockets of hot air.

All the money on screen here appears to be entirely on the special effects. The cast looks and acts like Snyder was walking through the set of a porno and grabbed any girl that wasn’t busy and said “do you have a second,” filmed their scenes and tossed them away like a used condom. I might be giving anyone who had a hand in the script too much credit because I’ve seen porns that have way more passion on display than any second of footage in SUCKER PUNCH. The writers of this garbage must have already suffered severe carpal tunnel just thinking of all the girls in spandex and the rest of the chicken scratch had to be translated through beer goggles.

Zack Snyder’s WATCHMEN flirted with a three hour runtime and I was ready for more by the time it was over. SUCKER PUNCH rings in at two hours and if it was a second longer I might have caused serious physical harm to the nearest living soul left in the theater. If I found any enjoyment in the film at all it was the moment it was over and realized I would never have to watch it again. The film is sort of like one long lobotomy, in that, when it was over I had no memory of why I ever wanted to subject myself to it. SUCKER PUNCH is aptly titled as anyone buying a ticket has already succumbed to what the title suggests. We only have ourselves to blame as the title is also a warning because you can’t get passed the first syllable of the title without spelling SUCK.




10 Comments


  1. JT

    Wow! I guess the phrase that can be said here is, “if you don’t have anything good to say then, don’t say it all.” What a way to bash the film. I mean did you even pay attention to it? I guess all the half-naked women, special effects, violence, and music blind sighted you. Basically that was all you could say about the film, the underlying message seemed to pass you by. I personally thought the movie was wonderful, and no I am not a dude. Maybe to each his own. This film is certainly not for everybody.


    • Anonymous

      i myself could tell he had some sort of message and i think it was overcoming abuse but i couldnt honestly follow it. The story was just all over the place. What did you take the message to be?


  2. Sxg40oz

    I feel there will be a ton of people like this that just simply do not get the movie at all and see it as a visual pleaser only. I was so worried the story would ruin it for me after seeing the great visuals in the trailer then seeing the cast line-up. I was not let down at all. The story was very clever and I love how it was told. The dream on dream concept reminded me of Inception which I am loving that type of style. Kept me hooked from the get go.


  3. Robin

    I definitely agree that the film is not for everybody. However I too am a female…and the only thing I had a problem with Mr. Snyder for was his description of the film as a “female empowerment” film. I felt that visually, this was a movie with clear gaming and anime references (hello, scantily clad women in schoolgirl outfits!) and the female empowerment part, if any, was more in the background.

    *POSSIBLE SPOILER ALERT?*

    I mean, does female empowerment mean that women have to die in this film? Does it mean not really being there to see justice happen? I really don’t think so.

    I felt that the sacrifices each character made toward freedom was not directly related to female empowerment at all; it’s more along the lines of a consistent theme that I’ve seen with several animes: protecting your “nakama,” roughly translated, family and friends. Basically, people working together toward a common goal and helping each other reach the end, whatever that might be.

    *END POSSIBLE SPOILER ALERT*


    • Robin

      To me it just felt as if Zack Snyder, in not wanting to alienate a whole market base (ie., females, anyone not into gaming, etc.), just lumped on the “female empowerment” bit and that last phrase at the end of the film about fighting, and did not fully embrace his movie’s “dorkiness.”


    • Nathaniel

      A fantasy is supposed to take you from a negative place to a positive place, whether real or not. WHO THE F*** FANTASIZES ABOUT LIVING IN A WHOREHOUSE!?! Once the film goes into the initial “fantasy” sequence, it’s nothing more than an exploitation film designed to titillate 14 year old fanboys who don’t understand why Sucker Punch is offensive.

      As for tacking stuff on… the line when she enters the asylum and gives her age, I swear was put in to keep the censors off their ass. I figure if I had watched the entire credits, Pedobear would have flashed on the screen Fight Club style


  4. Onetime_187

    The trench scene was a dreamscape of world war one. “Nazis” was a word not coined until the 1930s, therefore they were not Nazi soldiers, they were if anything German soldiers, or the “axis”. Firstly, your stupidity is incredible not being educated enough to know this. Secondly as stupid as you are I completely understand how you can misjudge an action movie as kick ass as this one was. The trench scene was the greatest and most original action I’ve ever scene, the storyline was shallow, but hey it’s a friggin action movie. If you critics could get your heads out of your butts you might be able to take it for what it is and see how good it is. In fact, nowadays the worse a movie gets reviewed by critics the more I want to go see it.


  5. yomomma

    ur a retard faggot lik my schmall horn


  6. Teachrua

    This film
    is the modern equivalent of the Batman series of the 1960’s, Its written they
    way it was on purpose. The lines by the wise man are deliberately cheesy. The
    fact that she escapes from her reality to a whore house is brilliant, it wouldn’t
    work any other way. we don’t see the dance because its so mesmerising that it
    could never actually be preformed. as far as i can remember my history there
    were no Nazis in ww1. This film is brilliant in its conception; the great part
    about it is it’s an original screen play that’s a hat tilt to just about every
    other pointless action film that we have seen. I could name about 4 films that I
    can remember the names of, and 6 more that I cant tha,t are contained in this
    film , everything from one flew over the cuckoos nest, to terminator and
    everything between are in this. I loved it its brill and the fact that all the
    main actresses are hot, well that’s bonus.



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