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October 9th, 2015

10 Fictional Movie Presidents You Should Vote For On Election Day

It’s Election Day in the United States. That means that approximately 40% of the people that could vote in this country can run out and do so. Actually, that’s pretty sad. Maybe if we got a few of these guys to run for President, more people would run out to cast their vote?

That’s right, it’s my list of Favorite Fictional United States Presidents.

1. President Merkin Muffley (Peter Sellers), “Dr. Strangelove” The name alone really speaks volumes. In reality, no one should vote for this guy. Think about it, he pretty much directed the United States right into nuclear war with the Soviets. He’s clearly incompetent…but the giggle factor may sway my vote. Nope. He doesn’t get it, so let’s move on.

2. James Dale (Jack Nicholson), “Mars Attacks” Nope. Not getting my vote either. He was far too liberal. He wanted to have a sit-down meeting with martians, even after they blew up Congress. What kind of a beatnik hippie does that?

3. Tom Beck (Morgan Freeman), “Deep Impact” He’s very dramatic, as he proved with the greatest dramatic pause in movie history. He would also be a fantastic narrator of government produced commericals. But, he let a giant rock from space destroy Earth, when he easily could have sent Bruce Willis, Affleck, and that black dude from “The Green Mile” out there to land on it and blow it up. Bad decision making. He’s off my ballot.

4. Dave Kovic (Kevin Kline), “Dave” Wait, he wasn’t even really the President. He was just some impersonator. Come to think of it, isn’t it kind of creepy that Sigourney Weaver wanted on him by the end of the movie? I mean, the guy was a spitting image of her sleazy now-dead husband. That’s just gross.

5. Andrew Shepherd (Michael Douglas), “The American President” I know, I know…how boring. He doesn’t talk to martians, have a Nazi scientist, or even deal with a space rock. But, he does get to hook up with Annette Bening. Hm. I take it back, that is pretty damn awesome. But, he’s just going to get my vote as there are a few more worthy candidates.

6. Jack Stanton (John Travolta), “Primary Colors” Sorry, but anybody that preoccupied with chasing tail and eating donuts just can’t get my vote. Yeah, he seems like a nice guy (and oddly familiar), but you need to keep your privates under control if you are going to be my President.

7. Richard Nixon (Dan Hedaya), “Dick” Yes, real President, but I vote this guy seven days a week and twice on Sunday if it’s Dan Hedaya playing him. He did Nixon better than the real Nixon. Alas, there are still a few better candidates.

8. Thomas Whitmore (Bill Pullman), “Independence Day” Not only did he give that cheesy, rousing speech (that makes me kinda teary), he flew a freaking jet. He led an attack on an alien spaceship with a green super shield. He said, “I’m a pilot…I belong in the air.” That is the most awesomely awful thing of all time.

9. President Camacho (Terry Crews), “Idiocracy” People, he knows that s***’s bad right now. He knows there’s all that starving bulls***. He knows we’re running out of burrito coverings. But he’s got a solution. That’s why I want him to be my Vice President.

My Vote Goes To: President James Marshall (Harrison Ford), “Air Force One” Not only did he single handedly save the passengers of Air Force One, he did some wild ass skyline bit to escape the plane as it crashed into the ocean. He is clearly the best suited to run the United States of America. He also did this:

One Comment

  1. Anonymous

    Wonderful! Whoever wins, may I nominate you, Chic, to be his or its Press Secretary.

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